As I commuted to work one morning I listened to talk radio [something I couldn't stand as a teenager, that I know have a great appreciation for - thank you Uncle Tim], Jeff Kuhner discussed his father in-law and quoted from an article that Jeff's wife had written: Forgettable fathers: Tribute to a wise teacher of life lessons by Grace Vuoto. Comrad Jeff quoted from the article and it resonated with me in many ways. The memior began:
"Fathers are like the pillars of a bridge — no one notices them unless they are not there. They are indispensable, mostly in so far as they selflessly serve others. The role of a father is not glamorous. And his value is easily overlooked, until the day he is no longer there."
The more I thought about Father's Day and how I can teach my son to appreciate the man that is his father, the more I found all the ways I appreciate the man that is his father [but also my husband]. This is a man who drops everything, leaves work in the middle of the day and drives into boston and out of boston in the afternoon [not the best time depending on the commute pattern that day] -- all so that he can retrieve a paper script for a controlled substance that is essential to managing the pain the my mother suffers from having Metastasized Breast Cancer. More importantly this is the kind of man that my son has to look up to, the kind of man who's shoes he cannot wait to walk in.
As Ms. Vuoto says, it is I who everyone associates with caring for my mother [and certainly I do more than any other] but it is he who is the pillar. No one really takes notice of how truly selfless he is, how invaluable he is and how easy it is to overlook the role he plays in all of this. Mothers [and wives] and in my case also daughers, for those are the roles I play, are gifted with the praise and the credit for the insurmountable tasks they take on raising and caring for a family. Mother's day is quite frankly a much bigger day than Father's day -- a fact that Jeff pointed out as he told stories of his father in-law. Rightfully so, Mother's are to be cherished. My gut reaction was "Excuse me Jeff! Mother's day should be a national holiday!" Jeff went on to express that sentiment exactly but he also pointed out that Father's are all too often the unsung hero in the story of the family.
A child without [an incredible] father is truly disadvantaged in this world. However, my husband, who lost his father at a very young age to cancer is truly incredible in his role as a father [and husband]. Interestingly we often hear others refer to a "mother's instinct" yet never a "father's".
The truth is that without my husband [the pillar of our family] I would crumble to pieces. For that and for so many other reasons everyday should be Fathers day.
Because...
He crawls on his hands and knees with his son on his back so he can "ride a horse" through the house.
He tells the best bedtime stories and rarely sticks to the text.
He builds chicken coops and fills waterers and feeders because mommy and lucca are in love with chickens.
He sleeps very little, commutes very far and does everything possible to make ends meet.
He loves us unconditionally.
He believes in us despite our flaws.
He puts himself last, always last and never expresses resentment.
He is here [so many children don't have a father who is present never mind engaged in their child's life].
He coaches T-ball and umpires at the Softball Jamboree [despite the fact that he has no confidence in that role and he is utterly exhausted from all the other roles he plays].
He works tirelessly and at the expense of himself for the betterment of his family.
He instills in his son the values and the characteristics that will leave him a better man.
He is the pillar...he always will be.
