Little Things...

On Thursday mom and I headed into the cancer center for a CBC (Complete Blood Count). Having already needed 3 units of blood the expectation was that she may need more on a regular basis. It's my understanding that some Stage IV cancer patients rarely need blood, some fairly regularly and some a couple times a week or more. 

There was supposed to be a fairly large snow storm over night. Mom hates the snow and driving in it and I worry about the stress it would cause her. I did not sleep much the night before as a result. I woke up to pouring rain, no snow. One less thing to worry about in a sea of endless worries. The fact that there was no snow made me happier than I have been in a few weeks now. So maybe its the little things that will get us through. 

After dropping the little guy off at school I made my way across town to get mom and we went to the cancer center. It's just a local center and I often wish she'd get a second opinion and consider a different Oncologist. After all my mother's life is in his hands. I do take comfort in the nurses and the radiation oncologist. Although neither I nor mom have a lot of faith in her Oncologist she is afraid of the unknown and is not ready to consider other doctors to follow her just yet. I don't want to push her. It needs to be her decision, she has to want it and embrace it. 

The last time that I spent time in the center was over three years ago when mom began her Chemo. Her nurses were wonderful. They were like extended family, they new most things about both of us. We practically lived there in the worst moments of life so it seems that was inevitable. I wonder just how big your heart must be to do what they do each and every day for countless patients like my mom. To put your heart and soul in something in that way. 

One of mom's nurses saw us in passing and she thought we were just in for a post cancer check up. Thankfully mom was in the lab and I was able to break the news to her without mom hearing (of course she was smart enough to ask me afterwards so I still had to tell her, but I started her in the moment). She was very supportive and offered a story of hope. There are lot's of options, people live for years now, not all but some. 

When mom finished in the lab we went back to the waiting room for the results. The mark is 25. Anything lower means we stay for the day and get a transfusion. Her results were 30. Just 5 points above the mark. Then came the relief. I haven't seen relief in her eyes for a while. I am holding onto that look. The slight smile that said something small but good just happened.

Later that day my car battery light came on, low voltage I am told. It may need a $500 alternator when all is said and done. It's still in the shop now. I made a poor decision to eat Chinese food of all things and ended up with food poisoning that I am still suffering from as I type. When it rains it pours as the saying goes. 

That's all okay though because yesterday my mom smiled a smile of relief and though it was brief I am holding onto that smile and waiting vigilantly for more of the little things.